When we are looking to do anything this is the first thing we think about. A highly motivated person lives in a world where they WANT TO do things, not all of us are so lucky
When you feel you have GOT TO do something either because you have been told to, no one else will or you see no productive benefit from it. This becomes a chore you lack the motivation to accomplish the chore to a good standard and in a reasonable amount of time or even to start it in the first place!
When you feel you NEED TO do something there is still reluctance although you can see a benefit, its still something you have to push yourself to do reaffirming the reason why you NEED TO do the Chore
WANT TO is a different matter. When we WANT TO do something we are motivated and driven to accomplish the task we look to do the best Job or to be on time.
Take Night Fisherman if the motivation was I’ve GOT TO do this, do you believe they would pack the car and go out on a cold rainy night to sit on a river bank. Maybe if they NEEDED TO it would be easier. IF we can move the Motivation to WANT TO ie) so my family can eat. I enjoy the peace and quiet. I enjoy the challenge.
Most things are possible when we can move the motivation through these three stages and an individual can say they WANT TO accomplish the Task
As a starting point for creating balance, happiness and success in your life, the Wheel of Life is the perfect tool.
Using this tool, you will be able to reflect and gain some insight into the balance of your life and how satisfied you are in life’s different areas.
Following on from this, you can utilise this exercise to further delve into whyyour wheel of life looks the way it does, what you would like your wheel of life to look like, and further into how to make it happen.
The Wheel of Life Exercise is not to be confused with the Buddhist Wheel of Life. The Wheel of Life used in Buddhism focuses more on an awareness of your mental state. In our Wheel of Life that is commonly used in coaching and goal-setting, it’s purpose is to identify how you’re currently spending your time and how satisfied you are in the different categories of your lif
Tomorrow how you can use the Wheel of life to bring a balance to your life
As a starting point for creating balance, happiness and success in your life. The Wheel of Life is the perfect tool to begin your journey. Using this tool, you will be able to reflect and gain some insight into the balance of your life and how satisfied you are in life’s different areas. Following on from this, you can utilise this exercise to further delve into whyyour wheel of life looks the way it does, what you would like your wheel of life to look like, and further into how to make it happen.
The Wheel of Life Exercise is not to be confused with the Buddhist Wheel of Life. The Wheel of Life used in Buddhism focuses more on an awareness of your mental state. In our Wheel of Life that is commonly used in coaching and goal-setting, it’s purpose is to identify how you’re currently spending your time and how satisfied you are in the different categories of your life.
Next week how you can use the Wheel of life to bring a balance to your life
6 tips to Balance your life and deal with Loneliness 6
Check how you are feeling
How are you feeling generally? Feeling lonely can be very stressful and can have a big impact on your general wellbeing, which might make it even harder to make positive steps to feeling better.
If you are feeling anxious, stressed or depressed then it is vitally important that you speak to a Doctor or seek other medical advice. There is no shame in admitting that you have a problem, in fact it is the most sensible thing to do as then someone can help you to do something about it.
Being stressed or depressed will make it even harder for you to feel confident enough to go out and meet new people. It might also deteriorate into a more serious condition. Recognising the signs of depression and speaking to a professional about it might be all it takes to get you back on the road to recovery and a new life full of friends and connections.
In a few days I will be talking about how to bring balance to your life and the benefits that this will have not only on yourself but your family and friends too
6 tips to Balance your life and deal with Loneliness 5
Be careful when comparing yourself to others
It is very hard to stop comparing ourselves to others, we all do it, but it can help to just be aware that things are not always what they seem from the outside.
Everyone sees the world in a slightly different way, We see life through a lens. The lens is made up of our past experiences. These experiences will shape the way we view our surroundings, our friends, our lives and ourselves.
How your friend sees things will not necessarily be the way you see things. You will have had many debates about things in the past which will exemplify this.
Just because your friend is outgoing, the life and soul of the party and extraverted doesn’t mean that you should be the same. The great thing about you is that you are unique. There is no other person who is just like you – anywhere.
By bearing this in mind, you need to form your own opinions of what you like and what you don’t like. You should not be persuaded or coerced into doing something that you don’t like or don’t feel comfortable with. Peer pressure is a difficult thing to deny but deny you must. You need to make your own decisions about your life.
Once you have the courage to tell people what you want and what you like then you will find it much easier to do things you enjoy and avoid the things you don’t.
As mentioned in number 2, joining groups with like minded people who share a common interest or hobby cane be a great way to build connections and new friends and enjoy the process at the same time.
Tomorrow I will share the importance of checking your own feelings.
6 tips to Balance your life and deal with Loneliness 4
Take it slow
If you’ve felt lonely for a long time, or even if you’re surrounded by people, it can be terrifying to think of trying to meet new people, or opening up to people for the first time.
The best approach to this is one day at a time. If you are not used to being in crowds or groups then forcing yourself to do this will be of no use and will in actual fact probably do more harm than good in the long run.
The trick is to find somewhere safe to go. Somewhere where there are no expectations of you. Somewhere you can share a common interest or goal. This might be a community project, a craft or hobby group or a local book club at your library.
Don’t put too much pressure on yourself all at once. Join one thing and see how it goes. Make sure you are a good fit for it so that you actually enjoy it when you get there.
Once you are comfortable in that one group or place then think about joining another. You can build up your social life slowly, one group at a time.
6 tips to Balance your life and deal with Loneliness 3
You might feel that you have plenty of connections, but what is actually wrong is that you don’t feel close to them, or they don’t give you the care and attention you need.
This might simply be a case that you are not communicating your needs to them. You are expecting them to know what you need and this is usually a tricky thing. Only you can really know what you need so it is up to you to let your friends and family know so that they can help.
It may be that you are inadvertently covering up your feelings. You might be pretending that all is well when it isn’t. This is common mistake that people make in our society. Stiff upper lip is not the way to go. You need to tell people what’s wrong if you ever expect them to do anything to help you change it.
If you are not happy talking to a friend then speak to a doctor, a trusted co-worker or a professional such as a psychologist or life coach. The important thing is that you tell SOMEONE!
Tomorrow I will talk about how to get over the fear of meeting new people.
6 tips to Balance your life and deal with Loneliness
It can be helpful to think of feeling lonely like feeling hungry. Just as your body uses hunger to tell your body you need food, loneliness is a way of your body telling you that you need more social contact.
As humans, we are a social species. We are designed to be part of a larger group. This has been passed on to us through thousands of years of evolution. Those humans who grouped together stood a better chance of survival as they helped and nurtured each other.
These humans were the ones to survive and pass on their social genes. Today we are still a product of this natural selection and we need to feel part of something other than ourselves.
Although it can be daunting to go out and seek new friends there are plenty of people, groups and organisations there to help. Join clubs, churches, age concern or even online groups to help you get connected. There are hundreds of groups on Facebook that cover just about any subject you can imagine.
There are local charities that run all sorts of events to engage and include the local community, especially those who are otherwise excluded.
Tomorrow I will share some tips on how you can become less lonely even when you seem to have lots of friends around.
6 tips to Balance your life and deal with Loneliness
Think about what is making you lonely
Being alone is not the same as being lonely. There is nothing wrong with being on your own if you are comfortable with it.
People usually describe feeling lonely for one of two reasons:
They simply don’t see or talk to anyone very often
Even though they are surrounded by people, they don’t feel understood or cared for.
Identifying the reasons why you feel lonely can be the first step in finding company. Is it that you don’t or can’t get out much on your own? Is it that you don’t feel confident in a crowd and so avoid new people and places? Is it that you are new to a place and have not yet made any friends?
By knowing what is causing the loneliness it will be easier to do something about it so if this is how you feel, or how a loved one feels then try asking them to think about what would make things better for them.
Once you know what could make things better then you can get to work on a plan to make it happen.
Tomorrow I will talk about the importance of connection in our society and how you can help yourself to become more connected.